I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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