im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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