The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
