have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
