For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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