i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
