you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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