You don't have asthma, your pregnant
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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