there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Text me some of your sweat
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize