I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
