then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
