Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
