By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
