So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
