Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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