So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
