It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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