the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he shaved USA in his pubs
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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