shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
