Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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