When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
