I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
