I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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