Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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