After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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