i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
