kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
