I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
