took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
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No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
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My lighter is stuck in my beard.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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