Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Randomize
