So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
