You really coming over, don't trick.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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