Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
