I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
