Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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