A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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