dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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