Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
my mouth tastes like poor choices
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
