And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
