3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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