If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
