Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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