He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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