He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
