the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
