.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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