the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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