my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
