one two three fourrrrnication!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
