my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Randomize
