this beer tastes like vomit already
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
