I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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