you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Panties = found
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
