All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
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Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
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Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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