I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
