Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
