The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
