If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
is it fun? or sober?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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