Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
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