Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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