DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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