He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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