actually, I'm a sock model
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
