i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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