wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
